ONAGAWA, Miyagi Prefecture--Grieving mother Hiromi Narita tossed a bouquet of red and pink flowers into the sea for her daughter Emi on March 11, the sixth anniversary of the tsunami disaster that claimed the life of her only child.
Emi's body has never been recovered. But Narita, a 57-year-old nurse who lives in neighboring Ishinomaki, and her husband, Masaaki, cling to the belief that her remains rest in local waters.
And six years after the disaster that turned the life of his family upside down, Masaaki, 60, refuses to abandon hope that one day he will recover a trace of their beloved daughter from the sea.
Emi worked at the 77 Bank branch office in Onagawa. She left home in 2010 to live with her fiance, and the couple registered their marriage six months later. Their wedding ceremony was scheduled for autumn 2011.
When the tsunami struck, Emi, 26, together with her colleagues, rushed to the rooftop of the branch’s second-story building for safety. But tsunami engulfed the structure, sweeping four people to their deaths. Emi is among eight employees at the bank branch who are still listed as missing. In total, 851 residents died in the coastal town.
Narita said she occasionally harbors deep regret at having given birth to her daughter, referring to the terror Emi must have experienced.
“I feel I can hear Emi whisper that she would have been better off not being born into this world if she had known what a dreadful fate awaited her,” Narita said. “All I can do is to apologize to her for giving birth to her and not being able to rescue her in the tsunami.”
Narita discovered strands of Emi’s hair in the apartment where she and her husband lived. The mother treasures the keepsake.
She placed the strands in an envelope and keeps it in a drawer of the family Buddhist altar. Narita, however, rarely opens the drawer. A memorial tablet for Emi stands in the altar, but not her facial portrait.
Narita cannot bear placing her hands together in prayer before the altar, and is unable to bring herself to visit her daughter’s grave.
The sea is where Narita feels the spirit of her daughter's presence. On her days off, she ambles to the port with a "bento" boxed lunch filled with her daughter’s favorite items.
Another site she visits frequently to sit alone with her memories is a hill overlooking the port. A stone monument stands there, with the images of a male and a female bank employee engraved on the front. It was erected by the bereaved families of the deceased or missing branch members. Narita gently rubs the image of the woman repeatedly, as if it was her own daughter.
Narita and Emi were as close as a mother and daughter could be.
Each autumn, they would visit Tokyo Disneyland together. And Narita always bought a coat for her daughter in Tokyo’s Shibuya district during the trip.
Their outings started when Emi was a sixth-grader and continued until she got a boyfriend after she began working. Narita and her daughter had tickets for a concert by Ayumi Hamasaki, Emi's favorite singer, in 2011.
Although Narita struggles to cope with her loss, she tries to focus on the happiness of her former son-in-law. Narita filed a notice of Emi’s death with local authorities in August 2012 and told him that he can now remove his name from the family register to start life afresh, which he did several months later.
He showed up at Narita’s home on Emi’s birthday as well as each anniversary of the disaster triggered by the magnitude-9.0 Great East Japan Earthquake and during the Bon festival of the dead in August. Narita appreciated his gesture.
But she tries not to contact him on other occasions to avoid being a hindrance in his efforts to start a new life with a new partner.
Unlike Narita, her husband visits Emi’s grave every day. He cleans and polishes the tombstone as if he were gently wiping her face.
Masaaki is so determined to recover Emi’s remains that he obtained a professional diving license in 2014. He dives in waters off Onagawa a couple of times each month to look for her remains. Masaaki has dived more than 200 times now. He has lost at least 10 kilograms in weight, compared with before the disaster.
Narita worries about her husband's safety in the rough waters when he is diving. But she cannot tell him to stop.
“I hate the sea,” Narita said. “But it is also the place where I can feel the connection with Emi.”
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