Ms. B（a woman in her 50’s） B さん（５０代）

January 20, 2016 I was at home for a day off on 3.11. On the 4th day after the earthquake, I biked in the water and went to the office. I believe judgement and the instructions by the office supervisor if the employees should stay in the office or to leave the office changed the destiny of the employees. In the middle of the night on 3.11, an employee’s husband came to pick up his wife with a boat. He then asked if there were more people that needed to be picked up. Then the supervisor replied “No, there isn’t”. Other people would have been saved with his boat if the supervisor had said yes. My house was barely affected by the Tsunami. So, the relatives came to stay with us. They ate my spaghettis, eggs and chocolates without asking. I managed to buy those food after being in line for a few hours and they upset me. I start forgetting things as the time goes by. I am just happy that my son is alive. We sometimes have arguments but we are just more fortunate than those who died and lost children. Do you believe in karma? If you do something good, then will good things happen to you? Did those died do anything bad? Did those ladies who lost their children and still going through hardship do anything wrong? I feel guilty that I was fortunate enough to have a day off on 3.11 and happened to be with all of my family members at home. Was I fortunate? What is the fortune? Were those who died unfortunate? Am I more fortunate than those who died and who lost their close people? I just feel so bad to be fortunate then. My child is a high school student and getting ready for the college entrance exams. I just do not know what his future holds and get worried. I sometimes wish if I was dead at that time, and then feel guilty to have such feelings. I sometimes wish another disaster would happen and then I would die. I should have died for others. I have such feeling though I was given a chance to live. Even though those who died wanted to live. I know that it is bad to say I wish I was dead due to the disaster. Did the God choose who should survive? I had never expected such a disaster would happen. What should I do if the next one comes? My mother who experienced Chili earthquake in 1960 says that it is like a legend. My 3.11 experience would be forgotten in the future and would become like a legend later. I hope a part of my memory would become an inspiration. We can always say “I should have done this” but we become wise after the event.