Ms. M (a woman in her 70’s) M さん（７０代）

May 2, 2016 We reopened our confectionery shop from May 8, 2011. I was happy because my house was saved, and we had futon to sleep with. On March 11, my brother-in-law was clinging on to a utility pole at the time of the tsunami but later died of hypothermia having tried to swim. My husband looked for him every day in mortuaries. He was found in a space under the eaves and identified by his jacket on April 19. On March11, I was in the hospital in Sendai due to a compound fracture. My brother-in-law called me that morning and said “I am sorry I couldn’t go join you guys for the 49th day of Buddhist memorial service. I missed it.” That was his last word I heard. It was good that we could send him off properly. Due to my hospitalization, I was happy that my life was spared. I must have been saved. I was discharged from the hospital on April 23. My source of energy is talking with customers, laughing and talking. I think it’s no good to be alone or stay inside. I was made to live. It’s better to cry and unleash my thoughts. I told my acquaintance who had been enduring the situation to cry instead. I am happy and don’t worry over small stuff by nature. When I was young, I had nights that I couldn’t sleep from worries. I came to think that I shouldn’t worry because there was nothing I could do, but I could worry next day. I worry but bounce back and change my gear. Because I repeatedly went in and out of the hospital, I can talk about many stories about sickness. Women who survived are strong. I felt bad for other shops around that I reopened early. I could start early because the water didn’t come into the shop. My acquaintances said “I’m happy you reopened” when I first reopened the store. But I think they were feeling jealous inside. I opened a barber shop at the age of 23 to obtain skills and earn my own income. My mother advised me to get skills so that I could raise children even if I became a widow. Married at the age of 26. Had the first child at the age of 27. When I had the second child at the age of 29, my husband's parents opened a confectionery shop. I eventually had four children. My husband 's friends bought confectionaries and I thought having friends was important. They also bought Christmas cakes to help us. My father died of tuberculosis in Manchuria at the age of 36, and my mother became a widow at the age of 32. I was one and a half years old at that time. My mother raised four children by herself. I was the youngest. My mother was the eldest daughter of nine siblings, very moody and had clear representation of emotions. She earned living selling yakisoba noodles and cleaning cloth used for tea ceremony. She never remarried. I grew up thinking not to cause any trouble for my mother. When I was 22 years old, I worked at a kimono store for half a year. My supervisor was always grumpy and never smiled. He said to me "You are always smiling, fool!", and I returned “What is your problem? You are always grumpy”. So, we quarreled but became close friends afterward for a long time. There was a time when we were asked to be a matchmaker at the wedding. As I was fat at that time and would not be able to serve alcohol to the guests once I dressed in Kimono, I decided to go on a diet and lost a lot of weight from 70 kg by the time of the wedding in November. I walked ten thousand steps and commuted to my part-time cleaning work by bicycle (2 hours) every day. When my husband fell ill at the age of 50, I thought of closing the confectionery store and re-start a barber shop and a shop for shaving women’s faces by also offering makeup and massage. The confectionery store had debts after we opened with the savings that we saved diligently. A large chain store and a cake shop opened in the vicinity and our sales were declining. At the time of the disaster, we offered 700 cakes to people. For difficult customers, you can become friends by giving extra service to them. I’d like to make people laugh ever since I was a child. It’s easy to dislike people, but maintaining that feeling is difficult. So, it’s better not dislike people to begin with. I want my husband to enjoy the rest of his life that has something other than work. We have never gone out together. I want to draw a picture with colored pencils. I can die any time, I'm not afraid as I was made to live. If you humbly pretend not to know something, everyone will kindly teach you. If you pretend as if you know everything, people will not teach you. I don’t bad mouth my husband’s brothers or relatives. It will only make my husband agonize.